I travel a lot everyday and as a result, have to deal with idiot motorists all the time. Here are my Top 10 vehicular offenses, and there is a special place in hell for those who commit them.
10) The Left Lane Non-Conformist - They travel in the far left (fast) lane of the expressway at the speed limit. They feel that if they're travelling at the speed limit, why shouldn't everybody else? Mostly pick-ups and American-made sedans.
9) Oh, Shit, I need to turn left here - This breed of asshole waits until you're stuck behind him at a stoplight before he decides to put on his left turn signal. Not the left-turn lane, this is in situations where there's only one lane, so you either have to wait for him to turn, or go around him if possible.
8) Gaper's Blocks - The inspiration for my blogs' title. A Gaper's Block is where a traffic accident happens on the highway and the motorists travelling in the opposite direction have to slow down and 'gape' at the carnage. These can be miles long in extreme cases. All just to take a look. Also called "looky-Lou's" or "rubberneckers" in other parts of the country.
7) No Courtesy Wave(rs) - If in one of those rare instances of human decency, I decide to let you into the flow of traffic, do me the favor of a wave, a salute, a smile or some other acknowlegement. If you don't, not only will I hate you, but driving Karma will come to get you.
6) The Last-Possible-Second-Guy - When there's a lane reduction, road crews and signs usually do an excellent job of informing drivers of this fact well ahead of time. Invariably there's a guy who can't merge like everybody else and waits until every last inch of lane has disappeared before merging, then wants to do so in front of you.
5) The 'Providence' Turn - I don't think this is a widely used term--a friend of mine who lived in Providence, RI coined it--but we've all seen the act. It happens when you're at a red light and the second the light turns green, some jag-off takes advantage of that one second lapse between the light turning green and people taking their foot off the brake to press the accelerator and turns left in front of traffic that is going straight. This one takes a lot of cahones to execute, but when done properly, you really have to tip your cap to the offender while fuming at the same time.
4) The "I'm-More-Important-Than-Everybody-Else-Guy'' - This guy has to cross a very busy street in his car and pulls out halfway, thereby stopping the flow of traffic in one direction. He then waits for some sucker to pity him--or perhaps the poor saps stuck waiting for him--and let him complete the second half of his journey across the street.
3) The Shoulder Rider - A variation on the 'I'm more important than everybody else' guy. You're stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic during rush-hour, but some knucklehead just has to be somewhere better, so he opts for the road less-taken, the shoulder. I have a dream of being rich someday and buying a car just so I can pull onto the shoulder while this guy's approaching and have him run into me and make him later than he already is.
2) The Kickerbox/Fast and the Furious Syndrome - I've never
understood the appeal of a sound system so loud that it rattles your trunk lid and quarter-panels. If it's that loud on the outside, I can't imagine how bad it is on the inside. O.K., we get it, you have a tiny prick and this is your method of attracting females, hope that works out for you. In a similar vein, what's the point of buying a Honda, then pimping it out with spoilers, a glasspack and expensive rims when if you just took the money you spent on the car + the money you spent on upgrades you could afford a cool used Porsche or BMW? And what's with those 'spinner' rims? Why spend thousands for something you can't even see?
1) The "I'm-Going-To-Gain-A-Car-Length-On-You" Guy - I'll try to explain this the best I can. Most cities or towns prohibit parking in the last 50 feet or so before an intersection to accomodate bus stops and people making right turns. Inevitably that space evaporates beyond the intersection with cars parallel-parked along the street. This guy pulls up beside you at the intersection during a red light and you think he might be making a right turn, but when the light turns green, he'll gun it and try to get ahead of you before that space gives way to parked cars. So, you're locked into this drag-race as you try and keep pace and prevent him from getting ahead of you and he tries to beat you out. I do everything in my power to prevent this and succeed 9 times out of 10. It is truly the most annoying everyday traffic-related hassle I know.
I'm sure I missed a few, let me know.
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