Gaper's Blog

Yeah, because we need another Walgreens

There's plenty of bad news out there, you're not going to get that here. That said, I did hear some distressing news this week about a beloved local landmark that is getting the ax, so to speak. Since 1989, the corner of Harlem & Cermak (in Berwyn) has been graced with the presence of "The Spindle" or since all local art installations get a nickname: the 'Car kebob" or 'The eight car pileup'.  You may remember it made a cameo in the Wayne's World movie. Well, it's getting uninstalled by summer's end, to make way for....wait for it....another fucking Walgreens.

I actually patronize Walgreens, the one in La Grange is nice, the people know me and I've always had decent service there, so I have no complaints in that department. However, this whole notion of CVS and Walgreens buying up every square inch of real estate and plopping down yet more drug stores has gotten ridiculous though hasn't it?  How many outlets do we actually need? A few years ago the Onion had a funny faux article about a new Starbucks was opening inside another Starbucks and Walgreens isn't far behind, ditto CVS. We are a nation of legal drug addicts, so it's not surprising that drug stores (our legal dealers) keep popping up like weeds.

The kicker here is that Walgreens is building a stand-alone store in a shopping plaza that already has a Walgreens in it!  Don't believe me? I took this picture standing where the new Walgreens is going to go (where "The Spindle" is now) and the current store is about 100 yards away. 

Who's been to "The Spindle"?  Are you sad to see it go or could you care less? Get there while you can if you haven't been yet as it will be gone before the leaves start to fall.  I wasn't alone yesterday when I took these pictures, there were about fifty people who showed up to take their own pics in the fifteen minutes I was there.

Thank You, Come Again

I not big on simply revealing information, I like to have fun with it; you know, make people guess or give them a hint instead of just saying what I need to say.  It drives my wife nuts, to the point where she has forbidden me from doing so.  Or if I do present information in a roundabout way ie: "Guess who called me today?!" she'll always answer "Your mom", which got about as old as my indirectness, so it was effective and I stopped doing it.  Last week I read about life imitating art (see, I'm doing it right now, not telling you directly what the point is) and I had to go investigate.  I told her that I was going to run an errand after dinner and she was welcome to join me if she wanted to. All I revealed was it would take no longer than fifteen minutes to get there, ten minutes at the destination and a fifteen minute return trip and that we were going to a place that I knew would be really cool for me--a 10 out of 10--and for her would be more like a healthy 7.5.  She was in, as long as we could bring the dog along for the ride.  Without much to go on, as we got closer and closer to Midway Airport, she thought I had duped her into seeing some dorky aviation-related attraction.  That was good because it threw her off the scent.  So, as we continued eastbound on 63rd St. and passed Harlem Avenue, she was certain it was all a ruse. 

Then as we approached Oak Park Avenue & 63rd St., I pointed out the 'attraction' on the corner: a convenience store.  At first the only thing that distinguished this convenience store from any other was the enormous crowd of people in the parking lot and the police officers acting as doormen.  I told her to take a closer look at the signage.  Yes friends, I dragged my wife to a real-life Kwik-E-Mart!  I was pleasantly surprised that she was a bit excited at the discovery and she was relieved it wasn't some 'dorky Ken thing' (which is kinda was anyway).  As you may have heard, to promote the upcoming Simpsons movie, 7-11 decided to 'convert' 12 of their stores into Kwik-E-Marts for the month of July.  While the interior isn't any different than a 7-11, they are selling a few items you could only previously get in 'Springfield' and regardless of the ethnicity of the clerk behind the counter, they all have 'Apu' name tags.

The lot was packed, so Carla drove around the corner and I hopped out.  There was literally a line out the door and an off-duty Chicago cop (no Wiggum name tag for him) kept things orderly.  I made a beeline for the loot which included real Krusty-O's cereal, Buzz Cola and Squishees. Unlike the price gouging Apu prides himself on, the prices weren't bad: $5.99 for a box of Krusty-O's, 99 cents for a Buzz Cola and $1.49 for a "Squishie" (which tastes a lot like a Slurpie).  I haven't tried the soda or cereal yet but I bought Carla and I each an orange cream Squishee.

If you live in one of the 12 cities where they exist, you too can join in the fun (through July) of what I consider to be a brilliant marketing idea, though I hear the products are rapidly disappearing, so get 'em while you can. Has anyone else been to any of the Kwik-E-Marts yet, or am I the only Simpsons dork here? Hell, I even tied it in to today's date!

I See You Shiver With Antici (SAY IT!) pation

I was at the library this week and I always peruse the CD collection as it's usually an incredibly motley collection of stuff that's fun to either discover or relive, the cheesier the better.  During my browsing, I happened upon the Rocky Horror Picture Show Soundtrack. It brought back some memories.

I distinctly remember my first (virgin) Rocky Horror Picture Show experience, it lasted approximately ten minutes (insert sex/virgin joke here).  It was circa 1985 and it was at a theater in Arlington Heights.  The whole Rocky Horror experience was one of those fabled rites of passage which was a lot more exciting to antici (say it!...say it!) pate than to experience. Like a movie, TV show or album you haven't yet experienced, hearing others talk about it only heightens your desire to see it/hear it for yourself. I knew most of the songs and the requisite audience participation elements within but they seemed so odd out of context that I had to go and see what the fuss was all about.

I don't recall the name of the theater but I know it was somewhere in Arlington Heights, IL and I  went with Jeff R., Christine M., Andy T. and Jason Mc. There may have been others in another car but I don't remember. I think I was the only 'virgin' that night and I was glad to get that monkey off my back as I recall being a 'Rocky Virgin' had more of a stigma than being an actual virgin did. When we entered the theater, it was readily apparent that we were the only interlopers there that night as everyone was dressed in character and seemed to know each other.  As the lights dimmed, I was thrilled to shed my virgin status and enjoy the show.  I got through the first few audience participation bits (rice, newspapers, squirt gun) without incident but all hell broke loose when Dr. Scott entered the room.  When you're at the theater and Dr. Scott enters, Brad yells "Great Scott!" at which time you're supposed to throw rolls of toilet paper up in the air (Scott toilet paper, get it?).  Even though my toilet paper roll fell shy of the screen by a good fifteen feet, some dude grabbed my shoulder firmly.  He said, "You need to leave, now!". I turned around to find a twenty-something guy dressed as Riff-Raff telling me I had to leave. Now it's one thing for an usher to kick you out of a theater for a legitimate reason but to have a guy dressed up in character who doesn't even work there kick you out for doing what everybody else was doing seemed unfair.  I protested at first but a few other 'characters' came to his aid and I realized I was outnumbered.  They said something about how much a movie screen costs and I tried to explain that I was a 'virgin' but these guys were hell-bent on tossing me.

Since we had driven so far, my friends didn't want to leave the movie until it was done and I was cool with that. So (clearly I still remember every minute detail of this night) I got Jason's keys and waited out the rest of the movie in his Jetta listening to Big Black's 'Atomizer' on cassette on my new Walkman. I think it may have been another few years before I finally got around to seeing the movie all the way through.  When I listened to the soundtrack CD on Friday for the first time in decades, that memory came flooding back--complete with all the audience participation parts--like it was yesterday, some of the stuff holds up pretty well.  What was your first Rocky Horror experience like? 

Does Anyone Actually Care About This??!!

Here we are, Week Two of Anna Nicole Smith's Death Coverage. Now this isn't the type of territory I usually cover on this blog--for good reason-- but wasn't everybody completely over this news thirty seconds after they heard it? I was. I'm not one who speaks ill of the dead and I'll do my best to refrain from starting but I think we as a culture have gone absolutely overboard on the coverage of the death of someone who really contributed so little to society.  Paris Hilton looks like Golda Meir compared to Anna.

I think the nadir of all this media attention--CNN's wall-to-wall coverage last Thursday notwithstanding --was when I saw a promo on ABC teasing a full two-hour 20/20 special on Anna's life and death. I could understand The E! Network going with 24/7 coverage and perhaps an MTV special but when a semi-reputable news magazine spends 120 minutes on a woman whose contributions to even pop-culture seem negligible, we've really taken our eye off the ball as a society.

As near as I can tell, what we have (or had) is a woman who first gained fame for taking her clothes off in Playboy, acted in some awful films, married an octogenarian for his cash and then did a train wreck of a reality show--which was pretty exploitative--which confirmed any lingering doubts that she was a few sandwiches shy of a picnic.

I certainly don't begrudge anyone's fame (or notoriety) but with a war that kills far more interesting and heroic people than Anna everyday, it gets my dander up to see so much energy and time spent covering the death of someone who was so unimportant. I'm sure she was a nice person and her family and friends loved her but this has been ridiculous.

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

Whaddya Say About Rachael Ray?

Whether you know me personally, just read this blog, or both, I'm fairly famous for resisting certain pop-cultural phenomena. It's for my own good really, because more often than not, once I've succumbed to something, I completely embrace whatever it is I've been resisting and wonder what I did before it was a part of my life.  Sometimes it's good to give-in because not long after writing about the iPod, I finally got one and now can't imagine life without it.  On the other hand, I managed to avoid the first four seasons of American Idol and then finally relented last January and watched the auditions for Season 5.  Like the proverbial drug dealer who gives you your first 'taste' for free, it was all I needed to get hooked and I then proceeded to care about people like Kelly Pickler, Eliot Yamin, Kat McPhee and Taylor Hicks, like it or not. My job requires me to be in touch with the pop-cultural zeitgeist and I have a pretty good radar as to what I don't really need to be up on and what I need to know about. I'm at a crossroads and I turn to you to tell me which way to go on Rachael Ray, my pop-culture vacuum has kept her out of my world so far.

I know it's hard to believe but I've never seen her on any of the talk shows or any of her own myriad shows. My wife gets her magazine once in a while and I've thumbed through it and perhaps even enjoyed a recipe or two that but I've never seen her on television. All I know about her is that she's cute as hell (but not sexy, check out the FHM pics, it didn't work for her) uses the word 'yummo' a lot and isn't fussy about exact measurements.  I did some research on her and found that a lot of 'foodies' hate her because she's too pedestrian and lacks formal culinary training. Then again, I tend to blanch at a lot of fancy foodie words you see on menus like reduction, infusion and chutney and I refuse to try sushi, so maybe she's right up my alley.

Whether you're a fan or not but have an opinion, tell me what you think of Rachael, am I too late or would I enjoy her show(s)?

10 Kickass Videos From MTV's Golden Age

Remember those 'Senior Most' Lists from high school? You know, 'Most Likely to Succeed', 'Best Looking'? We had those and then a twist on those including categories like 'Most Likely to Cheat on Spouse', (which went to a guy who is now a coach for the Bears, oddly enough) and 'Most Likely to Wreck Their Mercedes the Day Mom and Dad Give it to Them' (hey, its Glen Ellyn). Who am I kidding? 90% of the people who visit here went to West, this prologue is for the other 10%. Anyway, me and my lifelong friend Krista were voted 'Seniors Most Likely to Become MTV VJs'. We fell a bit short of MTV but we both work in the music industry, so not bad. I'm still a huge junkie for videos and watch a few hours a week on VH1 Classic (The Alternative, it airs about six times a week) and I get brand new music videos once a month from a promo company via a 90-minute DVD.  A marathon VH1 session recently yielded a list of 10 kickass videos from the Golden Age of MTV (1981-1985). This is by no means the BEST 10 Videos, just 10 I've seen recently that are great. Thanks to the magic (and addiction) that is YouTube, I can share them with you.

Our House - Madness - So British. So great.

Talking Heads - Once In A Lifetime It seems almost quaint now but this video was kind of weird when it first came out. Does anyone know what that whole right hand chopping the left arm thing was all about?

You Got Lucky - Tom Petty - Tom has always been a video pioneer and this was the not only the first Tom Petty video I saw but the first video I saw on MTV, period.

Don't Change - INXS - Performance videos are usually pretty boring but this one stands out. Michael Hutchence looked a lot like Mick Jagger in his early days.

Smalltown Boy - Bronski Beat - Just as performance videos can be lame, the narrative videos in which the visual follows the lyrics can be clumsy but this one somehow escapes that.  This is simply one the best videos from that era. This one worked where the similarly plotted "Papa Don't Preach" didn't.

Bastards of Young - Replacements - Maybe if these guys had taken anything other than their albums seriously they might have sold a few thousand more records and actually had a hit.  I love that they didn't, they're kind of like the Chicago Cubs of rock; always respected but they never made it all the way.

Hungry Like the Wolf/Rio - Duran Duran I dated girl in high school who was an enormous Duran Duran fan which meant I was disinclined to like them since she was so nuts about them. I secretly kind of liked them because they did write their own music and did that very well. It's a toss up as to which is my favorite DD video

Sunday Bloody Sunday (Red Rocks Version) - U2 - I suspect I wasn't the only one who saw this video on MTV and became an instant fan. Luckily, I got to see them live about a year after seeing this video for the first time and it's still one the best live shows I've ever seen.

Rockit - Herbie Hancock - None of us knew that Herbie was actually a top-notch jazz cat at the time. What we did know is that he almost singlehandedlylaunched break dancing with this song and creepy/cool robot video.  I remember a regular commenter on this site who had his bedroom floor covered in cardboard so we could breakdance to this song in our Chess Club parachute pants. If he or she chooses to out themself, so be it.

Can't Get There From Here - R.E.M. - Remember when R.E.M. were fun?  Sting used to be fun too, in the Police's early years. Something about rock super stardom and becoming a millionaire must turn you into a cranky person.  This (low-rent) video is from the fun R.E.M. and of course, the only one I couldn't find on You Tube.

What did I miss? Nominate one (with a You Tube link).

My Non-Fiction Addiction

I'm not sure when it started happening but I have been forsaking more and more fiction for non-fiction in my entertainment choices. It's to the point now where television is the only place I actively pursue fiction.  Take a look at my books sidebar (right-hand side) there's not a single fiction book on there. The last three books I've completed have been Greg Kot's Wilco book, Jim DeRogatis's Flaming Lips book and Chuck Klosterman's latest. All music and all (mostly) non-fiction (Klosterman calls his book 92% of a true story).  I'm not even sure I can remember the last fiction book I read, yet if I were to list my Top 10 Books Off All Time, likely nine of those ten would be works of fiction.

Films are another matter entirely, my film viewing probably peaked at the end of last century. Circa 1998, I bought a DVD player and for the first time ever had an apartment all by myself. Living alone and being single with a new format for enjoying movies=lots of movie watching. Even still, I had just started dating my wife and we still went out to at least two or three movies a month at the theatre.  It's now been over a year (!) since I've been to a movie theatre at which time we saw In Good Company, which was pretty good but not exactly the film you'd like to cite as the last film you saw in a theatre, in early 2005, no less. The last four DVD's I've watched: Walk The Line, Capote, The Aristocrats & Jesus Is Magic.  All of those were great but that's two biopics and two comedy movies, nary a narrative in there.

So is it me, or have you found yourself seeking out more non-fiction in your films and books?  Either recommend some great fiction books and movies or tell me I'm not alone.

Seeing Celebrities In The 'Wild'

Before getting to today's topic, I wanted to use this space to wish my brother a Happy Birthday. He used to live above us in the Forest Park years but now lives in Oak Park. We'll be dining together tonight at our favorite restaurant in the Chicagoland area. Mazel tov, Kev.

Just about everyone likes a good celebrity sighting story. Who among us hasn't been to Los Angeles or New York or London or anywhere famous people are to be found and at some point in their trip seen (and perhaps met) someone famous? Being in Los Angeles or Hollywood is cheating, it's their habitat, like seeing an elephant at the zoo, I like the rare instance of seeing a celebrity in the wild, somewhere unexpected. A few examples.

4) The Time My Dad and I Almost Killed John Cusack - 1999 - Chicago - I was moving out of Wicker Park (Damen & Division) to the Northwest Side of Chicago (Lawrence & Elston) and my dad was helping me make a few trips from one apartment to the other.  We were headed north on Damen and were approaching North Avenue. Just before the light (right by where Flash Taco is now) a dude stepped onto the street into traffic and my dad had to swerve to miss hitting John Cusack; literally, no swerve--dead movie star. Right after we passed the intersection, my dad deadpanned "We almost killed John Cusack".

3) Bumping into Jerry Orbach on 42nd St & Broadway - 2001 - Manhattan - June of 2001 and I was in NYC to play drums in a band for the wedding of a friend. The morning of the wedding, a few of us went for a walk through Times Square to grab lunch in a deli.  I placed my order and stepped outside for a smoke and literally bumped Jerry Orbach. "Those things'll kill 'ya", he said and I immediately knew who it was from the voice as he was wearing the requisite celebrity uniform of shades and a ballcap. I said, "Jerry Orbach, you're the best thing about Law & Order!", shook his hand and he said "Thanks, kid"  Kid. Jerry Orbach called me Kid, that rocks.

2) Riding an Elevator with Tiny Tim - Reading, Pa - 1985ish - My mom's from Pennsylvania and every Memorial Day Weekend, we used to take Amtrak to Reading for a Family Reunion. We were staying at the Abraham Lincoln Hotel in downtown Reading and my mom and I got in the elevator with a tall guy with long hair. We didn't notice at first but my mom realized who it was and asked "Aren't you Tiny Tim?" "Yes" he said in that inimitably high voice he had. He mentioned that he was in town with the circus. We had seen the circus around the corner in a parking lot and it wasn't Ringling Bros. or even Circus Vargas but one of those low-rent ones with a petting zoo of mangy goats and sullen sheep and a few rides. It was a really sad moment that to this day makes me feel bad for Tiny Tim and how he went from celebrity oddity to a guy who had to work in a two-bit circus for money. He was really nice, though.

1) Meeting Ronald Reagan at The Hamburg Inn, Iowa City, IA - 1992 - The Hamburg Inn sounds fancy but it's anything but, it's the kind of place where if you go for greasy eggs and bacon when you have a hangover. It also happens to have the best diner food in town, highly recommended, click the link to learn more. One foggy Saturday morning my friend Jeff and I went there for some eggs. As we approached the front door, there were two dark-suited men with sunglasses checking out patrons as they came in.  I knew that Reagan was in the area and asked one of the suits if he was coming in, he said he couldn't tell me that but we were free to go in and eat which we did.  Right after we ordered, the (former)POTUS walked in with two other Secret Service guys and sat two tables away. He ordered the meat loaf and ate undisturbed. Despite being a lifelong Democrat, I couldn't resist asking him for his autograph as he left, which he gladly gave me, on an official Presidential post-it note. He turned to Jeff and asked him if he wanted one as well, Jeff declined--he snubbed the President.

While seeing a star in Hollywood is acceptable, dig deep into the memory banks and see if you can remember a sighting you had once in an unexpected place.

The Cuervo Gold/the fine Columbian

I went to a Tributosaurus show Wednesday night; they were Steely Dan. By saying they 'were' Steely Dan, I mean that this band becomes a different band every month. They don't dress like them or imitate them visually, they simply learn their music really well and play a show that replicates what it would be like to see whatever band they 'become' in a live setting. They do this quite well since the core members are all professional musicians. I'm not quite sure why, but the bulk of Steely Dan's fans are male, so both onstage and in the audience, men outnumbered women 4 to 1. That ratio got me to thinking about cultural phenomena that are uniquely male. Let's try to come up with the definitive list of such phenomena, shall we?

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Frank Zappa, Rush, The Three Stooges, ESPN Classic, COPS, Tom Arnold, MAXIM, World Series of Poker, Girls Gone Wild, Steely Dan, Led Zeppelin, The Loop (97.9FM), Camaros, Rugby, Deer Hunting, Howard Stern, White Castle, Internet Porn, The Chicago Air & Water Show, Limp Bizkit, George Carlin, The Washington Monument, Playboy, HUMMERS (the vehicles).

We're just getting started, nominate one or take one off this list.

Hamm's, the Beer Refreshing

If you grew up in the Midwest, or even if you didn't, you've probably seen this sign before. Maybe it was at a Supper Club, a tavern, a liquor store or maybe you had one in your basement. It features a constantly moving outdoor scene complete with simulated water motion and smoke rising from a lakeside campfire. When I was six years old, it was just about the coolest fucking thing in the world. They had one at the sadly defunct Pine Tree Hideaway, which is where the six-year-old me first saw it.  I wanted it, bad. My dad explained that a beer sign wasn't really appropriate for a six year old to have, but I didn't really care what it advertised, I just wanted the damn thing.

Flash-forward twenty-nine years. I was discussing Wisconsin with a colleague of mine on the eve of my recent trip up north. His family used to vacation in Manitowish Waters, not far from where my family has a place. As we reminisced about our collective memories of the area, we brought up that old Hamm's sign and how cool it was.  A trip to E-Bay was in order, I figured I could maybe find a used sign for maybe $100-150, after all, I bought a fully functioning stoplight about ten years ago at a flea market for $75, how much could a used Hamm's sign cost?

Oh how wrong I was.  Try $600!!! That was the average closing price I saw on three signs on E-Bay.  Needless to say, I won't be getting that sign after all. So, keep your eyes open and let me know if you ever come across a functional one at a garage sale or flea market, I'll gladly pay in that $100 range, but to pay what was a month's rent at my last apartment for a piece of plastic is a bit ridiculous, no matter how cool it is.