I can't recall exactly when it happened but early on in our relationship, Carla noted that I was a picky eater. I am a picky eater, I'll admit that freely but I wasn't as finicky as she made me out to be, so in order to dispel some of that I wrote my 'food manifesto' which was done with tongue placed firmly in cheek. Now all the information contained in this manifesto is accurate to my particular tastes but was also meant to be light-hearted and (hopefully) funny. A few people have asked about it over the years as it comes up in conversation from time to time. Here it is, enjoy:
Beef: It's difficult to make something with beef I don't like but boiling it won't help and tartare is a no-no. I like my steaks medium at the very least and medium-well if possible. We'll cover this in cold-cuts later on, but I don't like bologna as it looks too much like human skin. I do like veal sparingly and it has to be tender, tough veal is disgusting, it's like beef taffy. Beef has to be beef though, I don't like anything that has a beef prefix, ie: beef tongue, beef tripe, beef brain, beef liver. Gimme ground sirloin, steak or prime rib.
Chicken: I've never been a fan of chicken on the bone but will eat it if there's nothing else around. Otherwise, the more abstract the chicken, the better, no skin if possible. By abstract, I mean if a receipe calls for a chicken breast, cubed or diced is better than the whole breast, even if it is boneless. I see chicken like tofu, a great vessel for flavor and the more flavor the better. Some people could eat a poached chicken breast and enjoy it, I am not one of those people, gimme some flavor with my chicken. I don't like chicken salad. Like any five-year old, I like chicken nuggets. I also enjoy Buffalo wings occasionally but strongly prefer the boneless variety.
Pork: As with beef, there's not a whole lot in the pork family I don't enjoy. Bacon, yes but not Canadian and not on pizza. Pork chops are great but like chicken, pork is a great jumping off point for flavor and plain old pork chops without any seaoning can be boring. Beaded pork chops are always good but boneless are the way to go here and always trim as much fat as possible before cooking. Bacon needs to be bacon, turkey bacon tries but isn't pork bacon and should stop trying to be pork bacon. Most sausage is tasty, both links and patties but no scrapple (look it up) and no blood sausage or other non-standard sausage. Ham is alright but my least preferred form of pig. If someone makes a nice Easter ham or a honey-baked ham for a special occasion, I will eat it with glee but it's nothing I would willingly order in a restaurant. Ditto sliced deli ham but we'll cover that in cold cuts later on, cold cuts get their own category. As with beef, pig parts are unacceptable (I know, that's what sausage is) but I don't like pig's feet, pig's whatever really.
Seafood: Contrary to popular opnion, I do like some seafood. Crab is king, gimme cakes, legs, it's tough to find anything crab related I don't like. Lobster: see crab. I do like fillets of most fresh water fish: trout, bass, northern, crappie as well as most of your garden variety ocean fish like mahi mahi, swordfish and things like that. I love catfish but only farm-raised, wild catfish are too dirty for human consumption. The place where it gets tricky with seafood are bivalves, no bivalves (ie: clams, oysters, mussels) with exceptions being the occasional scallop (lots of butter) and clam chowder. Not a huge fan of squid or octopus (calamari) it's always been to chewy for me. Tuna's is a no go. We've seen that I'll tolerate sushi but only in very rare instances. The more exotic the seafood, the less likely I am willing to try it. I have tried conch and shark but didn't care for either. The bottom line with all fish-related food is again, the less it looks like fish the better, no skin, no bones and most definitely no scales or heads. Borderline fish stuff like frogs are a no go. And we all know shirmp is out.
Cold cuts: The good: salami, turkey, corned beef, pastrami, capicola, chicken and pork roll, roast beef. The bad: bologna, ham (but accpetable if nothing else is available) mortadella, head cheese, liverwurst, liver sausage (anything liver-related, really).
Bread: I do still love white bread but know it's worthless nutritionally. Variants of white bread I do eat: Italian bread, French bread, Sourdough, Kaiser rolls. I love rye and like pumpernickel. Wheat bread is totally acceptable but the more nuts/grains the better. I like bagels but only poppyseed, salt and onion varities, I hate raisin and cinnamon bagels.
Rice: I like all kinds of rice but my favorite is white rice. Brown and wild are fine.
Pasta: I haven't met a pasta I don't like
Vegetables: Here's the big one. Asparagus is king, I could eat steamed asparagus every meal for the rest of my life, if you could find an all asparagus diet, you might be onto something. I love broccoli but prefer if cooked (steamed), cauiflower used to be off limits but I'm starting to tolerate it with broccoli and other veggies (cooked though). All lettuce is fine, I really like romaine; Caesar salads. Carrots must be raw (baby carrots, shredded carrots) with the only notable exception(s) in stew or soup. All sprouts are yummy. Cucumbers are alright sliced or as a garnish in water. Zuchinni (unless in a bread) is a no-no. Same thing with squash of any kind (including and especially pumkins). Potatoes are delicious (except in salad form) but only regular potatoes, not sweet potatoes, yams or turnips.Tomatoes are a tricky item. Any bigger than diced for bruschetta or salsa is unacceptable. Most any form of pureed tomato is fine: paste, juice, sauce etcetera. I like green beans but other types of beans less so. While I like kidney beans and tolerate lima beans, wax beans are gross. Three bean salad is a no-go. Corn is good but not creamed. Peppers are okay as a spice but not diced or chopped. I do like spinach. Peas are okay. Avocados are good in guacamole but that's it. Onions are fine if they're minced or finely diced but not any bigger than the onions on an onion bagel. I hate radishes but love red cabbage(raw). Any other veggies, just ask.
Fruits (in order of adoration): Fresh pineapple, bananas, strawberries, melon, cantaloupe, barlett pears, peaches, (pitted) cherries, some apples (too many varieties to list), kiwi, seedless grapes (sparingly), mandarin oranges, the occasional grapefruit or orange. Lemons and limes as garnish.
Fruits I don't like: Rasberries, blackberries, apricots, plums, blueberries, cranberries (juice is okay).
Eggs: I like 'em scrambled. Period. No over-easy, fried, sunnyside up, poached or anything but scrambled. Hard-boiled are okay.
Cheese: It's probably easier to list the cheese I dislike: Swiss, Bleu (except in salads, sparingly), most really stinky cheese, cottage.
Nuts: again easier to point out my nutty dislikes: Brazil, kumquats.
Pie dislikes: Rhubarb, pumpkin, mincemeat.
I don't like custard or vanilla pudding. No skim milk but 1% is totally fine.
We can add/subtract to this but it's a good start.
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